Genuine Valid Feelings or it's just Limerence by Dazing_Louie13

This story is part of the Make it Bitter or Make it Better Writing Challenge, where we invited writers to explore the storytelling possibilities of a simple situation. We gave authors free reign to interpret the prompt as they see fit, provided that they give their story a clear ending.

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Note: This story has not yet been proofread.

To My "BeshieWaps" who I have unintentionally been calling, "A-Sagittarius Girlie" because, I have unintentionally developed some feelings since your absence in my life,

         Because of this confusing feeling, I don't know how I should label it. Is it an infatuating feeling or it's just a limerence. Because of you, I started writing longing love poems and short messages about you. I thought it would be a Good coping mechanism from your absence

Sample 1: Circa 2023

I dare not speak of your existence,

yet my mind is filled of your pieces

From the tips of your fingers and the lines on your palms,

I could still remember how it lingers unto me

Before, it was thrilling and still has its innocence,

Now, it would be suspicious if I asked for it again. 

I have to stop this itch of a desire

But why does it feel like I should go on and move on.

I tried. 

I always try to forget you in every person I meet. 

But YOU just had that grip on me. But I know.

You will never love me, the way that I want you to love me.

You have become someone I want to reach, to hold, to feel, to reconnect with. 

With this itching desire to see you, talk to you, to rekindle our shared moments. I know for a fact that this is just an infatuation. An irritable longing for someone. And when you have, the thought of When you meet them, Eye to eye, you don't know what comes after

Sample 2: June 17, 2024

     Thank you for the experience. It did help me a lot not to think about you because I know, at this pivotal point of my life, there was never a chance. There will never be a chance for me to pursue you any further. I was glad at those moments that I could have you in my thoughts and in my dreams. All along, it was just a delusion to my empty life. 

Maybe as I write this message, I'm starting to have thoughts of where I should be or where I should go. To be honest, I'd rather be a speck of dust. Floating around and through those golden streaks in the sky. Where the light beams on, along and through the clouds that made the sky look picturesque. Most of the time that happens on sunsets and scarcely on sunrise. To reach the beginning to the end would be the inevitable fate. People want to write their stories yet I want to finish 4 lines in 1 paragraph and I'm done. nihilistic and precarious thoughts have taken over my mind and Body. I would allude others of my well being by my narcissist thought and let it loose. Neutrality to numb the pain and compromise by my surroundings. I shall have my day soon. I'd rather be young than old to finish it.

Sample 3: 09-05-2024

     Let me contend with the idea that, "She's fine. Doing the things that she wants and the things she needs to do" kind of delusion. I've come to believe that I only bring a dark, bad chakra or energy and I'm afraid that it would stain their energy.

I'm fine that they don't know me or how I was doing. I can delude myself with a vision of them just doing mundane and domestic things. I'm fine for their comfort

I thought I was done yet, it was not over, it was not enough.

10-19-2024

     Just woke up from a dream. A fucking Threesome Dream. I was being courted by these two fucking A-GIRLS. The Sagittarius and the Taurus Girlies.  I was like FUCK YOU. I didn't need these. I needed to be woken by 1 am but No.... It's 3:14 in the morning ... FUCK.......!!!!

Anyway... As much as I remember, I was being courted by these Two, A-Girlies in a Highschool Scenario and they both took advantage of me. The Fucking A-Taurus Girlie attack me on my neck and further more during class without being noticed by the Teacher and I blackout. I opened my eyes and that bitch was gone. After that I felt all of the teacher's eyes on me. Fuxkkk.....

Then as I went out the door, A-Sagittarius pulled me aside, and dragged me to stroll around the school corridors. And then, she started to have a conversation, with my arms wrapped around her neck in a piggyback ride. She asked me, "Why Her" then I asked her "WHY Me?" and then after a long talk, I felt like our relationship kind of deepened. I kissed her, she kissed me... In my head, I was like "Fuck, am I two-timing?"

It was kind of random, I was playing a sort of gun game with a "Deal or No Deal" Machine Caller Assistant helping me with the Game, in the school grounds, but unfortunately, the teacher came by and said something and it means, class is getting started. I push the Start button and it came back to the Home Menu

After Taurus Girlie "attacked" me, in my thoughts I was looking for her. Hoping for answers . Why did she do that to me and then disappear? Then, in an elevator (we don't have those at our old school) I was with A-Sagittarius on my right side and then A-Taurus came to my left side. I disregarded A-Sagittarius Girlie and confronted A-Taurus in Tagalog "Tapang mo ha? Ba't mo yun ginawa sa akin?" (How brave of you huh? Why did you do that to me?)

As far as I remember, along with the A-Girlies, we had an amusement park field trip and I was with both of them. Took a scary ride that led to a slide and swimming pool park. I was kinda scared, given the haunted house ride then we got off and slid down to the pool in two ways. On the left it was a slide, bumpy and pool. On the Right it was bumpy, slide then Pool. (It might be a decision making dream but I don't want to pursue any of it) 

Then I woke up. I HATE THIS!!!

     That Dream made me reminisce about that time during our 10th grade field trip and we went to Ocean Park. We passed by the souvenir shop and you pointed at that big, stuffed penguin plushie and asked me to buy it for you.

My thoughts were fighting because I won't hesitate and buy it for you but I don't have that kind of money. Sadly, we were in different classes and buses. I could've shared with you the things I bought just to make myself feel Cute at that time. I was so busy having fun with my classmates. I forgot about you.

I wish I could forget about you easily. Please forget about me too. This is, and should not be, romantic. It's just simply that longing of that bond that we had. I did appreciate everything that we had together.

I was just too scared to show you my worst but that came after you left.

I still have you in my prayers.

My love and regards, INTP - VIRGO

              P.S I may have thrown away every material thing that you've given me, but that never took away the memories. They have been imprinted in my mind, along with my affections. A single significant memory I have of you left that I still treasure in my heart was when you would come behind my back, cover my eyes and ask me to guess who it was. I kid you not, I've already and still, memorized all of your features so that I can distinguish who it was and my favorite person to guess was You because I know you.

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